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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23634055">My Best Friend's Wedding</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBasilRathbone/pseuds/TheBasilRathbone'>TheBasilRathbone</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Broadchurch</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alec Hardy Needs A Hug, Alternate Universe, Angst, Best Friends, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love, canonical infidelity</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:40:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,784</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23634055</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBasilRathbone/pseuds/TheBasilRathbone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec and Ellie have been best friends since his family had first moved to Broadchurch when they were teenagers. She had gotten pretty good, over the years, at hiding her feelings for him, made all the easier by her fleeing town after her husband's horrible crime. </p><p>But when she gets an unexpected call from Alec, begging her to return for his wedding, it will be a lot more difficult to hide those feelings. Especially when his own relationship begins to unravel.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alec Hardy &amp; Ellie Miller, Alec Hardy/Ellie Miller, Alec Hardy/Tess Henchard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>174</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Before the Wedding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">Ellie desperately wished she had stayed on the train and just kept going.</p><p class="p1">There was wine, thank Christ, and copious amounts of it, but it did nothing to stop the stares she received as she made her way through the rooms at Trader’s. It had been purchased and renovated last year, her mother had told her, by an Australian, new to town. It certainly wasn’t a posh hotel, but it had been far from it before. It certainly was nicer, now. A lovely place for a wedding reception, and currently, a rehearsal dinner.</p><p class="p1">Alec’s family had come from Scotland, many she had met before, some she hadn’t. Tess’ family was entirely new and unfamiliar, though some of the faces may just be people new to Broadchurch, people who had moved to town in the three years she’d been away.</p><p class="p1">He’d called her, only four bloody days ago, sounding unassuming and unworried over the phone. It was only when they’d been chatting for some time that he asked her to come to Broadchurch that weekend.</p><p class="p1">“Absolutely not,” she had protested. “Alec, no. I can’t. I’m always going to be the murderer’s wife to those people. I can’t go back there.”</p><p class="p1">It had been three years, now, since Joe had…done what he’d done. Had murdered Olly, her nephew, only twelve years old. She hadn’t stepped foot in Broadchurch since. She’d packed up her toddler son, Tom, and was gone within a month, unable to bear the whispers and gossip and in Lucy’s case, drunken screaming.</p><p class="p1">“Ellie,” he’d said, a pleading tone in his voice that she almost never heard from him. “Please. I’m…getting married, I need you to be there.”</p><p class="p1">“Married?” she’d cried. “To who?”</p><p class="p1">She would have bet an extraordinary amount of money that he’d rolled his eyes, then. “Tess, obviously.”</p><p class="p1">“But…why?”</p><p class="p1">“<em>Ellie.</em>”</p><p class="p1">“Oh my god, she’s pregnant again.”</p><p class="p1">“No!” he’d cried. “Christ, Ellie.”</p><p class="p1">“You’ve…you’ve been on and off for years, why now?”</p><p class="p1">“It’s time. We’ve been together ages, now, and Daisy’s gettin’ older…why not? What’s stoppin’ us?”</p><p class="p1">She could name a very long list, but wouldn’t dare recite it. She’d never disliked Tess, not really. But she disliked her for Alec. She’d been too similar to Alec, too uptight, too shy. He’d always thrived around people who brought him out of his shell, not barred the doors and windows in there with him. She doubted they would have lasted long at all, if Tess hadn’t unexpectedly gotten pregnant with Daisy only a few months into their relationship.</p><p class="p1">“Are you really sure about this, Alec?” she’d asked him. “I’m not trying to talk you out of it, but…I’m your friend. It’s my job to make sure you’re sure.”</p><p class="p1">“It’s time for us to be a family. Make it official.”</p><p class="p1">And so she had come, reluctantly, unable to bear disappointing him. She’d arrived at the train station only that morning, so anxious she could barely breathe and wilting in the impossible heat, wrestling with her luggage and a very stroppy child.</p><p class="p1">
  <em>It was unusually sweltering day for England, and the normal breeze off the sea has somehow ground to a halt. Tom was stroppy with discomfort, and she’s sure the straps on her bag are leaving sweaty stripes along her blouse. They stumbled about for nearly twenty minutes, the platform and station clearing completely, and Tom growing grumpier by the second. They’re moments away from a temper tantrum, she’s sure, when a voice behind her called out, “Ellie!”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>It was him, jogging towards her, his car left running by the kerb. </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“You’re late,” she grumbled, but dropped Tom’s hand and her bags to the pavement and threw her arms around him. Tears spring to her eyes at the familiarity, the smell of him, the feel of his hands on her back. </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Christ, El, you cryin’ already?”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“I’m not, you bastard.” She pulled away reluctantly with a smile, wiping at her eyes. “Missed you, is all.” </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>He leaned in to kiss her cheek. “Missed you, too.”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>They both turn back to Tom, who’s eyeing Alec wearily. </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“What, you shy all of the sudden?” she asked. “Come say hello to Uncle Alec.”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>Alec smiled softly, a smile she’d only seen reserved for small children (and sometimes, when it was late and they’d had too much to drink, for her). He crouched down, resting his arms on his knees. </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“You probably don’ remember me, Lad. Haven’ see you since you a wee boy.”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Big now,” Tom informed him, and Alec nodded. </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Very big, now. A tall one. You might even be taller than my daughter Daisy, she’s a whole year older than you.”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>He ruffled Tom’s hair and then stood, grabbing her discarded bag from the pavement and tossing it over his shoulder. “C’mon, we should go. Yer parents’ll think I forgot to pick you up.” </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“No, they’ll think I stayed on the train and just kept going,” she joked, not letting on that she had desperately wanted to do just that. </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>He put the bag in the boot of his run-down car while Ellie wrestled Tom into a pink car seat in the back. By the time they both climb into the vehicle, they’re sweating. Ellie was sure she somehow already got a sunburn. </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“I thought Lucy was supposed to pick me up.”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“I got a call from yer parents this mornin’, apparently she’s...not feelin’ well. That’s why I was late gettin’ here.” </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>Hungover is what he meant, although his aversion to gossip kept him from saying anything too damning.</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>Ellie chose not to comment, though if she could be harsh with her sister and not be judged for it, Alec would be the one she could confide in. “Christ, it’s hot.” </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Been like this since Wednesday. Bloody misery,” he nodded, glancing up into the rearview to check on Tom in the backseat. “He looks like you.”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“He doesn’t,” she winced. “But thanks for trying. Saw that picture you sent of Daisy. She’s gone all the way blonde.”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“I know. She’s growin’ so fast. Wish I knew how to keep ‘er like this a while longer.”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“That’s what second babies are for,” she joked. When he doesn’t respond, she looked over to the driver’s seat, seeing his fingers tighten over the steering wheel. “I’m sorry, if I-“</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“No,” he said quickly. “S’fine. Jus’…don’t think we’ll be havin’ anymore.” </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“What? Why, what’s changed? You’ve wanted kids as long as I’ve known you. Surely Daisy hasn’t turned into that much of a demon since I last saw her that it’s scared you both off from having more.” </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Not us. Uh...Tess...Tess doesn’ want any more. Wants to focus on her career.”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“She doesn’t have to be a stay-at-home mum, or anything. It’s the twenty-first century. There’s always childcare.” He purses his lips and Ellie sighed. “Alec, come on. You know you can tell me anything. Do you still want more?”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“I…do,” he said after a long moment. “Christ, I’m…honestly, I’m achin’ for another one. Brought it up a couple o’ times to ‘er. Jus’ havin’ one more, but she’s adamant. Can’t push ‘er, not with somethin’ like that. If she doesn’ want more, she doesn’ want more.” He added after a long moment of her silence, “M’okay, though. I got Daisy.”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“‘Course,” she said quickly, not wanting him to feel self-conscious. Having more kids was something that could split up a lot of couples, she was shocked to see him so willing to give it up in his marriage to Tess. She hadn’t been around in some time, but she remembered how he was with Daisy. How much he adored her, adored being a father. “So...what’s the plan this weekend? You’ve been annoying vague.”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>He relaxed, then. “Nothin’ really, until Sunday, when the weddin’ is. Rehearsal dinner tonight, which you’ll have to come to.”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Have to?” she asked, raising a brow. “And why would I do that?”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“You’re my oldest friend.” </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Only friend.” </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Oldest friend,” he repeated warningly. “Please, El. You have to know that the only one who doesn’ want you in Broadchurch is you.” </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“You don’t even live in Broadchurch anymore!”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“‘Cause o’ Daisy an’ Tess. Don’ have to live here to know it’s true.” </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>At her sulking, he smirked. “There’s the party on the beach tonight, for the long weekend. We can stop by after the rehearsal dinner.” </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Some things never change,” she replied, allowing herself to smile. “Got sloshed for the first time at that beach party.”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“I know, I practically had to carry you home.”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Which you only could because you were boring and sober.”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Ach, had as many as you did, I can jus’ handle my liquor.”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Ach!” Tom repeated from the back seat.</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>Ellie burst into giggles, and Alec grinned, raising his head again to the rearview mirror. </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Aye, Tommy! Well done, Lad! We’ll make a Scot o’ you, yet.”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“You’re a terrible influence.” </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“No more than you an’ yer foul mouth, El.”</em>
</p><p class="p1">“Ellie!”</p><p class="p1">She turned and nearly wept in relief at the sight of Alec’s grandmother. She was an elderly woman, tough as nails, as rail thin as Alec himself though much shorter. Ellie had met her a few times, on her trips in from Glasgow, and they’d always gotten on unbearably well.</p><p class="p1">“Aggie,” she greeted in relief, letting herself be kissed on both cheeks and pulled into a tight hug.</p><p class="p1">“Where’s yer little boy? Not so little any more…”</p><p class="p1">“With Mark and Beth Latimer,” Ellie replied. “He’s five, now. Growing like a weed. Wish he’d stop.”</p><p class="p1">“Have you seen little Daisy?”</p><p class="p1">Ellie’s heart ached at the thought. “Not yet. But Alec sends me pictures all the time. It’s ridiculous, how cute she is."</p><p class="p1">Aggie patted her hand and slipped her arm through Ellie’s, leading her towards the bar. “Have you met the bride?”</p><p class="p1">She nodded. “A few times, yes. But we don’t know one another well. You must have met her.”</p><p class="p1">“Yes,” the older woman sighed, taking another glass of wine from the bar. “Uptight one, she is.”</p><p class="p1">Ellie winced. If there was one thing she knew about Alec’s grandmother, it was that she didn’t mince words. “She’s just shy, I think. She seems nice enough.”</p><p class="p1">“Nice enough, maybe, but not right for Alec.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh, she must be right for Alec, if he’s marrying her.”</p><p class="p1">Aggie sighed again and reached up to pat her cheek. “Oh, Ellie. Everyone here knows it should have been you.”</p><p class="p1">Ellie nearly spit out her wine.</p><p class="p1">It was like a punch to the gut, those words. She and Alec had never so much as dated, never even kissed. They’d been friends, only friends, since his family had moved to town when they were fifteen. She’d despised him, at first. She’d mistaken his shyness for smugness, his self-consciousness and self-loathing as false modesty. Over time, he had revealed himself to be wickedly clever and sharp-tongued, and he’d become one of her best friends.</p><p class="p1">She had already been dating Joe, then.</p><p class="p1">Ellie had felt…inklings…indications, over the years, that Alec might have feelings for her. But Alec was moral to a fault, and would never, ever make a move if she was seeing someone else, and she would never, ever consider infidelity. They just weren’t the type. Shortly after her wedding to Joe, he’d started dating Tess, and four months after that, Tess was unexpectedly pregnant. Even so, she’d always thought, if it hadn’t been for Joe, if their timing had been better…well, she’d had plenty of time to think about it over the last few years, and hated the way that bad timing made her heart hurt.</p><p class="p1">Best not to dwell on that, now.</p><p class="p1">“Alec and I never dated, Aggie,” Ellie said honestly. “He’s always just been a friend.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh, dear, we both know that’s not quite true.”</p><p class="p1">She patted Ellie’s hand again and then broke away, leaving her in the centre of the room, feeling lost and overwhelmed. There she was, the murderer’s wife, back in Broadchurch, trying to pretend like everything was fine, like she could just move on and ignore her horrible past.</p><p class="p1">Ellie staggered into the next room, keeping along the walls, wishing her dress was a closer shade to the wallpaper that she might blend in entirely and remain unnoticed. She did not have nearly enough wine in her system to deal with this.</p><p class="p1">“Skulkin’ in the corner is my thing, I thought.”</p><p class="p1">She spun to see Alec, holding a pint and a glass of white wine, the latter he quickly handed over and taking her empty cup. “Thank you,” she murmured. “I’m not skulking, I’m just…well, there’s a reason I left, isn’t there?”</p><p class="p1">“People are surprised to see you, tha’s all. They’re not starin’ for any other reason.”</p><p class="p1">“Don’t you have a fianceé to entertain? What are you doing here, checking up on me?”</p><p class="p1">“Tess is the bride, people don’ care about me all tha’ much.”</p><p class="p1">“That isn’t true,” Ellie replied with a small smile. He had a look about him, something not quite right. She had no right to assume these things, having been away from him for so long, but he was still Alec. Some things didn’t change. “What’s wrong? You look…I don’t know. Something happened.”</p><p class="p1">“Nothing happened, I’m fine,” he replied firmly. Never willing to gossip, same as ever.</p><p class="p1">“Alec…c’mon. Who do you think you’re talking to? You can’t lie to me.”</p><p class="p1">She could see the muscles in his jaw tense. “Just…pre-wedding stress. Had bit of a row with Tess before this. It’s fine. We’re fine.”</p><p class="p1">“I know,” she said, surprised that he felt the need to assure of their relationship. She suspected his family might not be so subtle about their dislike of Tess. “Weddings are stressful. Mine was a nightmare, beforehand. It’s a wonder anyone manages to get married, with the shit they have to endure beforehand.”</p><p class="p1">“Damned right,” he huffed, taking a long sip of his drink. After a moment, his gaze dropped from the rest of the guests to her, looking at her pointedly. “I’ve missed you, El.”</p><p class="p1">She smiled. “Missed you, too. I’ve been a shit friend these past few years, haven’t I?”</p><p class="p1">He snorted. “Given what you’ve been dealin’ with, I think I’ll excuse you not ringin’ me on my birthdays.”</p><p class="p1">“I did ring you on your birthday!”</p><p class="p1">“I was speakin’ hypothetically. On general terms.”</p><p class="p1">“Sure, whatever you like, but I want credit for ringing you on your birthday.”</p><p class="p1">Alec shook his head. “Christ, woman, yer as difficult as ever.”</p><p class="p1">“I’m nothing if not consistent,” Ellie grinned.</p><p class="p1">He opened his mouth to undoubtedly make another snarky comment, but was cut off by the sharp sound of his name. They both turned to see Tess standing behind them, watching them both with an unreadable expression. She really did look lovely, her hair pinned loosely at the base of her neck, wearing a white dress that Ellie knew wouldn’t survive two seconds up against Tom’s sticky little fingers. She gave Ellie a tight smile before turning her attention back to Alec.</p><p class="p1">“You promised you’d actually socialize and not hide all night.”</p><p class="p1">A comment like that from Ellie would have had him snarking back immediately, but she watched as he seemed to physically swallow his words. “I am socializin’. Haven’t seen Ellie in ages, we were catchin’ up.”</p><p class="p1">“Can you please come say hello to my uni friends, they’ve come a long way for this.”</p><p class="p1">Ellie wanted to remind her that she, also, has gone out of her way to come here, and ask why her own friends were of more concern than Alec’s, but given the tension between them, she wasn’t about to cause any issues for him on the day before his wedding. Alec was her friend, her best friend, and she’d bite her tongue right off if she had to in order to ensure he had a nice wedding day.</p><p class="p1">He shot her an apologetic look over his shoulder as Tess led him away, and Ellie nodded reassuringly, managing to smile before he disappeared around the corner and she was left very much alone.</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">Ellie had nearly slipped out of the house undetected when she heard his voice call out for her.</p><p class="p1">Fuck.</p><p class="p1">“Are you comin’ to the beach?” Alec asked. He’d always had a knack for appearing at the most inconvenient times. “Everyone’s heading over there, now.”</p><p class="p1">“Uh…no. No, I’m…exhausted, honestly. And I should get back to Tom.”</p><p class="p1">“I thought Mark an' Beth were watchin’ him for the night?”</p><p class="p1">Ellie sighed, wracking her brain for an excuse, any excuse. “They are, yes, but…”</p><p class="p1">“Ellie, you can take a single night off. When’s the last time you jus’ had a night to enjoy yourself?”</p><p class="p1">Not since Joe, certainly. Perhaps even before Tom was born. Half a decade. Could it really have been that long since she’d done anything for herself? Then again, further exposing herself to the scrutiny of the town hardly seemed like an enjoyable night, either. But she always had a hard time saying no to Alec, particularly because he so rarely asked her for anything. He didn’t make much for requests from her, not unless he really, really wanted something.</p><p class="p1">“C’mon, Alec, what do you care? You won’t see me there anyways. You’ve got Tess to introduce to the whole town.”</p><p class="p1">He cleared his throat. “Tess has a migraine, said she isn’t comin’. Gets ‘em, sometimes. So. Nothin’ keepin’ me. C’mon, Ellie, don’ make me beg.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh, but I love to see you grovel,” she teased weakly, trying to keep up a bravado, their easy bickering. This weekend isn’t about her, isn’t about her discomfort, her fear of being back here. It’s certainly not about her own unwanted feelings, creeping up undeniably on the day before his bloody wedding. It’s about him. It’s about him and his happiness and his wedding. To the mother of his child.</p><p class="p1">He settled his hands onto her shoulders, squeezing gently, bringing her out of her self-spiralling. “Come with me, El. For old time’s sake. Have a few drinks, enjoy ourselves. Consider it my stag do.”</p><p class="p1">“You didn’t have one?”</p><p class="p1">“You need friends for that, pretty sure,” he joked, though his tone turned soft. “An’ my best friend wasn’ here.”</p><p class="p1">“Only friend.”</p><p class="p1">“Shut it.” He smirked at her, then, and her heart melted a bit. “C’mon, then. Couple o’ drinks, then we’ll send you back to wee Tom.” And then, because the bastard knew just how to get to her, “please, El.”</p><p class="p1">Fuck.</p><p class="p1">“Two drinks,” she consented reluctantly. “And the second somebody even alludes to Joe, even the slightest little bit, I am dropping everything and going straight home.”</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">It was annoying, really, how handsome he was like this.</p><p class="p1">He had thrown a jumper over the nice shirt he’d worn for the reception, and his black wool coat over that, the wind off the sea blowing about his hair. He had a beer in-hand, surprisingly relaxed, though that may have been the alcohol.</p><p class="p1">He was chatting idly with Maggie Radcliffe, though perhaps it would be better to say that she was chatting and he was listening, though they were all used to that by now. He was well-known enough by now that they were all rather fond of his grumpy nature. Maggie herself used to affectionately call him ‘our young curmudgeon.’ Ellie wondered if she still did.</p><p class="p1">But she shouldn’t be fucking staring, now of all times, the night before his wedding. But she couldn’t help it. It was the first time she had ever spent time with him when she was single. First time they’d ever been in the same space when she wasn’t with Joe, and her thoughts seemed to be indulging themselves despite her.</p><p class="p1">She just wished he wouldn’t glance over at her and…smile like that. Like he was glad she was here.</p><p class="p1">Oh, God, he really was handsome, wasn’t he?</p><p class="p1">Fucking hell, now was not the time to be thinking this about her best friend. Her only friend.</p><p class="p1">“Y’alright?”</p><p class="p1">She nearly leapt out of her skin when he materialized beside her, eyes searching her, detective-mode on even when he was a few drinks in.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, fine. Just…mind wandered a bit.”</p><p class="p1">“Mm. Maggie was sayin’ how happy she was to see you. How happy everyone was to see you.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, right. Probably because they were placing bets about whether or not I’d have the balls to show my face here.”<br/>
<br/>
“Jesus, you really don’t know how much you’re loved, here, do you?”</p><p class="p1">Loved. She shook her head firmly. “Don’t. Don’t…can we talk about something else, please?”</p><p class="p1">He sighed, looking down and digging the tip of his shoe into the sand, seemingly searching for topics. “Had to write my own vows, did I tell you?”</p><p class="p1">“You’re writing your own vows?” she asked. “Ugh, why? That’s literally the worst part of a wedding, when people do that. Nobody wants to hear you pour your hearts out in front of everyone.”</p><p class="p1">He laughed openly at that. “Yeah, I tried to tell her, but Tess insisted. Fuckin’ awful, I didn’ know what to say.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, that’s why some priest hundreds of years ago figured it out for you, should’ve stuck to that,” she scoffed, unable to keep from smiling with him grinning at her. She was glad for the bickering, steering them back into familiar territory.</p><p class="p1">“Will you read ‘em?”</p><p class="p1">“What, your vows?”</p><p class="p1">“Please,” he begged. “Jus’ to make sure I don’ humiliate myself in front o’ the town. You can tell me if they’re shit, and how to fix ‘em.”</p><p class="p1">“We are not rewriting your wedding vows the night before your wedding after we’ve had too many drinks to be reasonable.”</p><p class="p1">He groaned. “You still owe me a favour, after I covered for you when you were caught sneakin’ back in after curfew.”</p><p class="p1">“We were sixteen!”</p><p class="p1">“Ellie…”</p><p class="p1">Fucking hell.</p><p class="p1">“Alright,” she sighed. “Where are they?”</p><p class="p1">He patted his pockets uselessly. “Fuck. Left ‘em at Trader’s. I’ll run an’ get ‘em.”</p><p class="p1">“You’re going to go all the way back there just for that?”</p><p class="p1">“Did I not stress how much I don’ want to humiliate myself in front of the town with shitty vows?”</p><p class="p1">Ellie sighed, looking over her shoulder at the few town lights still shining in the distance. “You stay. You’re the one enjoying yourself. Give me your key, I’ll get them.”</p><p class="p1">“You don’ have to…”</p><p class="p1">“It’s your last night of freedom, you should be having a good time,” she insisted. Really, she just wanted a bit of space to breathe, get away from the whispers and stares, though part of her was starting to believe that it really was all in her head. Perhaps, more than anything, she wanted the chance to read his vows without him standing there, watching her. She was shit at hiding her emotions, especially after a few drinks. She certainly wasn’t willing to test that while reading about how much he loved another woman.</p><p class="p1">He gave her a knowing look, though she was sure he only suspected her former motive, before fishing the hotel room key from his pocket and dropping it into her outstretched palm. “On my nightstand, next to the alarm clock.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh shit. Tess, will I…?”</p><p class="p1">“Nah, she takes a sleepin’ pill when she has migraines, she’ll be out like a light. Besides, we’re not…you know. Tradition, an’ all that. Night before the wedding, spendin’ it apart. We got adjoinin’ rooms, so Daisy can wander back and forth tomorrow mornin’ while we’re getting ready, but s’long as yer quiet, you’ll not disturb her.”</p><p class="p1">Ellie nodded. “Alright, then. Good. Be back in twenty.”</p><p class="p1">It was desperately nice to get away. She could still hear the music from the beach party as she made her way up the hill to Trader’s, as well as the bursts of loud, drunken laughter. It made her heart ache, a bit. She had grown up here, had once felt so seamless with this town, like it was a part of her. She never thought she’d feel like an outsider. Joe really had torn everything to shit.</p><p class="p1">The hotel was dead quiet and dark, only a couple of lamps on in the lobby as she made her way up the stairs. Despite being full for the wedding tomorrow, the guests had all gone down to the beach party to celebrate, leaving it eerily still.</p><p class="p1">Well, maybe not all of them. There’s a tell-tale sign of sneaking springs and breathy moans unable to be masked through the thin walls of the ancient hotel, and it nearly make her giggle. At least someone was having a good night. She should warn Alec about the thin walls before his wedding night, he’d never recover if he found out everyone could hear the next morning.</p><p class="p1">Ellie gingerly unlocked the door to Alec’s room, slipping inside and quietly shutting the door behind her. The street lamp outside casts just enough light through the windows that she can make her way around.</p><p class="p1">His wedding suit was hung carefully on the door of the wardrobe, and Ellie couldn’t help but reach out and brush her fingertips against the fabric of his jacket. It was a soft grey colour, undoubtedly chosen by Tess. She’d never seen him voluntarily wear anything that wasn’t blue or black. His shoes sat primly beneath, polished carefully and placed gently side by side in eagerness for the coming day. He had wanted this for so long, she knew he had. To be married, to have a family, to be settled and secure.</p><p class="p1">She smoothed the suit back in place and made her way to the nightstand. A carefully folded piece of paper sat next to the worn-out paperback at his bedside, undoubtedly a detective-fiction novel.</p><p class="p1">It was only then, reaching for his nearly folded wedding vows, that her alcohol-dulled brain registered the sound. Same as before, breathy moans and squeaking springs, but it was louder than before. Louder here than it was in the hallway.</p><p class="p1">The adjourning door to the next room was just, ever so slightly, ajar.</p><p class="p1">It took five steps to cross the room, her pulse pounding, blood roaring in her ears. Standing on the threshold, afraid to go any further, she pressed her fingertips against the door and gently pushed.</p><p class="p1">Tess was there, on the bed, writhing underneath a man who was irrevocably, unmistakably, undeniably Not Alec.</p><p class="p1">“Oh my God.”</p><p class="p1">She wasn’t even aware that she’d said it out loud, but both of their heads snapped towards her, and the man cursed and shoved himself away, diving for his trousers on the floor.</p><p class="p1">“Oh my God.”</p><p class="p1">She turned on her heel, stumbling out the door of the room and into the hall, unsure if she was going to pass out or vomit.</p><p class="p1">The sound of the door behind her barely registered, and then Tess was there, wrapped in a dressing gown, shaking.</p><p class="p1">“Oh my God.”</p><p class="p1">“Look,” Tess soothed. “I don’t know what you think you saw in there-“</p><p class="p1">“What I <em>think </em>I saw?” she repeated, horror quickly giving way to rage. “I don’t know what you <em>think </em>I saw, but what I <em>did </em>see was you fucking a man who very much is not the one you’re marrying tomorrow.”</p><p class="p1">“It was a mistake,” Tess stammered, holding out her hands as though afraid Ellie would take a swing at her. “It was a horrible mistake, it will never happen again. Oh God, we’ve both had too much to drink, we fucked up.”</p><p class="p1">“‘We?’ The naked man in there isn’t marrying Alec tomorrow, Tess. You are. <em>You </em>fucked up. Oh God. Oh God, you’re marrying Alec tomorrow.” The nausea was back with a vengeance. Oh fuck.</p><p class="p1">“You can’t tell him,” Tess pleaded, tears springing to her eyes. “You can’t tell Alec. Please. It will never happen again.”</p><p class="p1">Ellie pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes, willing the room to stop spinning. “You’re getting married tomorrow, and you’re sleeping with someone else. You just fucked some random man in the bed that you were supposed to share with my best friend tomorrow night.”</p><p class="p1">“You weren’t supposed to be here. He said those parties go on until one, two in the morning, or longer.”</p><p class="p1">It wasn’t at all appropriate, but Ellie found herself outright laughing. “You’re right! You’re right, how fucking rude of me, interrupting your scheduled affair!”</p><p class="p1">Tess’ expression dropped, then, cooling from desperate and pleading to almost…irritated. On-edge. “Look, this really isn’t any of your business, is it? It was a mistake, and it won’t happen again. You’re going to go home, go to bed, and we’re all going to forget this ever happened.”</p><p class="p1">The rational, cold detective voice really was what did it. She had been verging on the edge of hysteria until then, but felt the frantic panic evaporate.</p><p class="p1">“You think I’m going to forget that you cheated on my best friend on the <em>night before marrying him</em>? No, you listen to me. You are going to send whatever the fuck his name is back to his room, and you are going to wait up for Alec. And when he gets back, you are going to tell him immediately that you slept with someone else. Immediately. And I don’t know what he’ll do. He may still marry you tomorrow, I’m not saying that he won’t. But it will wreck him. Utterly wreck him. And I will know, I will<em> know</em> if you’ve told him or not. And if you don’t tell him, <em>I will</em>. That is a promise. Before the wedding. I will not let him marry you without knowing.” </p><p class="p1">Ellie watched Tess, the emotions rapidly flashing over her features. Fear, pain, panic, and then anger. “And you think he’ll believe you?” Tess challenged, the slight quiver in her voice giving her away. “You’re in love with him, you don’t think everyone here can see that? That he can’t see that? That you’re clinging to him because he’s the only one who can look you in the eye, after what your husband has done? You don’t think they’re all going to look at you and think how pathetic you are, desperately trying to break up his marriage the second you get into town, telling whatever fucking lies you can manage to ruin his relationship so you can have him for yourself? You don’t think <em>he’ll </em>think the same of you? You think anyone at all would ever believe you?”</p><p class="p1">It was fear talking, fear and panic and shame, but it didn’t stop Ellie, for one long moment, from believing her. Believing that she’d be met with disgust. Single, pathetic Ellie Miller, wife of the child killer, ruining Alec’s life with her own desperation and jealousy.</p><p class="p1">She couldn’t do this to him. She just couldn’t. Not when he’d carefully set out his wedding suit and polished his shoes.</p><p class="p1">But fuck her own reputation, what the town thought of her. She couldn’t let him marry a woman who could sleep with someone else on the night before their wedding, of all nights. At least not without knowing what he was really getting into. She couldn’t let him make sacrifices, give up on the things he’d wanted since he was a teenager, for someone who wasn’t even faithful.</p><p class="p1">“You tell him,” she repeated. “Or I will."</p><p class="p1">“He won’t believe you,” Tess blurted, voice cracking.</p><p class="p1">“Guess we’ll find out then, won’t we?”</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">She couldn’t remember leaving the hotel, nor the walk back to the beach. It all felt like some horrible, sickening blur.</p><p class="p1">“Ellie. Ellie?”</p><p class="p1">Alec had materialized in front of her, at some point. At some point after she’d gotten back to the beach. When had she gotten back to the beach.</p><p class="p1">“Ellie, you alright?”</p><p class="p1">“Fine,” she stammered, shaking her head, as if this was all some sort of horrible dream she could shake away. “Fine, sorry.”</p><p class="p1">“Did you get ‘em?”</p><p class="p1">“Get what?”</p><p class="p1">“My vows.”</p><p class="p1">She blinked at him, and his brow furrowed, hands coming her to shoulders. “El, you’re scarin’ me, now. What’s happened?”</p><p class="p1">“Nothing,” she choked out. “Nothing, I’m fine. I just…had a bit too much, haven’t I? I should go back to my parents’.”</p><p class="p1">“Lemme walk you.”</p><p class="p1">“No, stay. Enjoy yourself.”</p><p class="p1">He scoffed. “You keep sayin’ that. When have I ever enjoyed myself at a social event? Besides, I’m not lettin’ you wander back in this state. You look like yer in shock. C’mon, Ellie.”</p><p class="p1">Before she could stop him, he’d removed his own coat and slung it over her shoulders. With a firm hand on her back, he steered her back up the hill and towards her parents’ house.</p><p class="p1">She couldn’t bear it. She couldn’t even look at him, knowing what tomorrow would bring. Christ, could she tell him? If it really came down to it, could she bear to rip his world apart?</p><p class="p1">“You sure yer okay, Ellie?” he asked when they arrived on her parents’ doorstep. “Please tell me what happened.”</p><p class="p1">She shook her head, shoving her hands into her pockets and staring pointedly down at her shoes. “You know…you know I love you, don’t you? That I’d never do anything, say anything, just to hurt you? You know that, don’t you?”</p><p class="p1">She finally worked up the courage to lift her head, nauseated by his kind concern. Concern for her. Oh God, this is the last time she’d see him like this. Last time she’d see him, innocent and unassuming, unaware of the horrible truth awaiting him. He’d never be the same, after this.</p><p class="p1">Slowly, he nodded. “‘Course I do. ‘Course I know that. El, please, yer really worryin’ me.”</p><p class="p1">She stepped forward, throwing her arms around him, barely refraining from sobbing when she felt his hands on her back, holding her close.</p><p class="p1">“Sorry,” she sniffled, wiping at her eyes. “Too much to drink and I’m an emotional mess, you know me. I’ll…I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah,” he murmured, and she could feel his eyes on her back as she turned and disappeared back into the house.</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">She didn’t sleep a wink, and was wide awake at four in the morning when he called.</p><p class="p1">She knew, immediately. She could hear it in the way he was <em>breathing. </em></p><p class="p1">“Ellie,” he said at last, voice cracking. “I…I didn’t know who else to call.”</p><p class="p1">“Our old spot by the pier?”</p><p class="p1">Thirty minutes later found them side by side, sitting on the end of the dock, legs dangling over the edge.</p><p class="p1">“She slept with someone” he stammered out. “She was…was fucking one of her uni friends.”</p><p class="p1">“I’m so sorry, Alec. I’m so sorry.”</p><p class="p1">“Came back from the beach, she was up, pacing the room. She just…blurted it out. Said it had only been once, it was a mistake.”</p><p class="p1">“Do you believe her?”</p><p class="p1">He squeezed his eyes shut, tilting his eyes back as though trying to physically stop the flow of tears. “I don’t know. I don’t know. And would it make a difference? If it had been once, a hundred times? Now I'm doubtin' everything. Maybe this was why she suddenly agreed to get married, why she wanted it to happen to quickly. Started shaggin' someone else an' wanted some security in case I found out. Harder to leave, if we were married. But she couldn' be that calculated, could she? An' she…Christ.”</p><p class="p1">“She what?” She resisted the urge to throw her arms around him, to give him some sort of comfort.</p><p class="p1">“As soon as I walked in an’ saw her up, she went off. Started askin’ me what you’d said to me, if you’d said anythin’, if you told me anythin’. Told her you wouldn’t even look at me, didn’ know what she was on about. Then she…launched into this rant, Christ, can’t even repeat it.”</p><p class="p1">“Tell me,” she pleaded.</p><p class="p1">He shook his head. “Started sayin’…you were…that she didn’ trust you, how you had come in makin’ threats, that you were…Jesus, that you were in love with me, wanted to break us up.”</p><p class="p1">“God,” she choked, feeling like a vice was squeezing her heart. “And what did you say to that?”</p><p class="p1">“Told ‘er she was mental and to tell me what the fuck was goin’ on. That’s when it all…when it all came out.” He was silent for a long moment. “You saw ‘em, didn’t you? When you went back for my vows. That’s why you couldn’ look at me when you came back to the beach.”</p><p class="p1">She nodded. “Alec, I’m sorry. I told Tess…I told her she could tell you tonight or I would tell you tomorrow. I’m sorry. I’m sorry if it was the wrong thing to do, but…you had your suit hanging up, all ready to go. Your shoes laid out. You were so excited, I couldn’t let you marry her without knowing. I’m sorry. It’s just…if it were me, I’d want to know. Though I guess my perspective on spousal secrets is a bit fucked up.”</p><p class="p1">The tears came, then. He made a wounded sound and turned to her burying his face into her shoulder as he wept. Her arms came around him, holding him tightly, just sitting in silence until his sobs started to subside. She couldn't make this any better for him, that was the hardest part. Nothing she could do could make this any easier.</p><p class="p1">“What do I do, El?” he pleaded, voice weak. “Fuck, I’m supposed to be gettin’ married in nine hours, what the fuck am I supposed to do now?”</p><p class="p1">“What do you mean?”</p><p class="p1">Alec shook his head. “Do I…do I go through with it? The wedding?”</p><p class="p1">The nausea returned full force. “Do you want to, after this?” she asked incredulously.</p><p class="p1">He groaned, pulling himself back up to sit, wiping his swollen eyes with the sleeve of his jumper. “I don’ know. How do I…how do I call it off now, El? Everyone’s here. I've got family from Glasgow here. I can’ just…say 'never mind, it’s over, go home.' Ellie, what do I do?”</p><p class="p1">She felt sympathetic tears building in her own eyes. “I don’t know. I don’t know, Alec. I can’t answer that.”</p><p class="p1">“But…if it were you. If you were in my place?”</p><p class="p1">She shook her head again. She wanted desperately to tell him to leave her, that he deserved so much better, that he couldn't possibly marry her when he couldn't trust her. But she couldn’t say anything. She couldn’t give him advice. Not an unbiased, ethical opinion. How could she ever separate her motives, be sure she was doing what was right for him and not what she wanted? “I can’t…”</p><p class="p1">“El-“</p><p class="p1">“Oh, Alec, I can’t. I can’t give you advice. Please don’t ask me.”</p><p class="p1">He leaned against her, his shoulder warm against her side. “There’s no one else I can ask. There’s no one else I trust. You’ve never been shy about givin’ yer opinion before.”</p><p class="p1">“Not this time.”</p><p class="p1">“Why?”</p><p class="p1">“You can’t ask me that. I need you to just trust me on this.” </p><p class="p1">She squeezed her eyes shut just so she can’t see his eyes boring into her, looking her over.</p><p class="p1">“Ellie, <em>please.</em> I need you.”</p><p class="p1">“Don’t. Don’t, Alec, please.”</p><p class="p1">“I don’ understand.”</p><p class="p1">She bent at the waist, pressing the heels of her hands against her closed eyelids, desperately trying not to scream in frustration. “Because my…motivations are compromised, Alec. It’s a…conflict of interest. Please don’t ask me anything else, I can’t do this to you. I can’t put this on you, not tonight.”</p><p class="p1">“Put what on me? Ellie…”</p><p class="p1">“Do you ever just shut up and do what you’re told?”</p><p class="p1">He snorted. “Oh, callin’ the kettle black, aren’ we?”</p><p class="p1">She laughed. She couldn’t help it. It just bubbled up and out, so fast and harsh it made her gut ache. “Yeah, s’pose so.”</p><p class="p1">“You can’ leave it at that,” he replied firmly. They’ve been here so long, the sun was beginning to rise over the sea. The light, somehow, made everything worse. Everything more visible, everything more difficult to hide. She must look a goddamned mess. Alec certainly did. Unshaven, dark circles heavy under his eyes, eyes that were red and swollen. It hurt her just to look at him. “Tell me. I don’ care what it is, it can’t be any fuckin’ worse than this.”</p><p class="p1">“It is.”</p><p class="p1">“No, it’s not.”</p><p class="p1">“It is, Alec!” she cried. “It is, it is. Because…fuck. Fuck! She was right.”</p><p class="p1">“Who was right?”</p><p class="p1">She sighed, tears springing to her eyes. “Tess. Not…not about everything. Not about…I haven’t lied to you. Not for a second, I wouldn’t. It’s just…I can’t give you any sort of unbiased advice because I…I do love you, Alec. Really love you, more than just…than just a friend. More than just a best friend. Have for a while. Maybe longer than I’d ever care to admit. And I care about you too fucking much to fuck up your life because…because I’m not sure I can separate that from everything that’s just happened. Because if you ever found out…if I told you to leave her, because she doesn't deserve you, because you deserve better, I wouldn’t ever want you to wonder if you’d made a mistake listening to me, wondering if I’d led you astray because I was being selfish. I couldn’t…I’m sorry.”</p><p class="p1">The world felt like it was crashing down on her shoulders, the last, tiny shred of sanity she’d been clinging to since Joe slipping through her grasp. She was fucking selfish, crying like this when Alec had just had the worst night of his life. If she was stronger, better, she’d be comforting him right now, not the other way around. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Alec.”</p><p class="p1">It started at her shoulders a hesitant, gentle pressure, and then suddenly his arms had slid all the way around her, holding her tightly against his chest as his chin came to rest on the top of her head, the two of them shuddering and heaving.</p><p class="p1">“Ellie,” he murmured. “Ellie, after what just happened…I can’t…I can’t even-“</p><p class="p1">“I don’t want you to think about it,” she sniffled, pulling away enough to look him in the eye. “Christ, I want you to forget I said anything at all. But you…you know, now, why I can’t with any good conscience tell you what to do. But no matter what you decide, I will be here. No matter what. I will smile and throw rice and take photos and congratulate you if you get married today, and I will sit by your side and help you call everyone on the guest list to tell them the wedding is off if that’s what you decide.”</p><p class="p1">“Thank you.” It was barely more than a breath, but she heard it.</p><p class="p1">“You need to at least try to rest, yeah? I’ll drop you off at your mum’s, you can at least sleep for a few hours, get into a better mindset about what to do.”</p><p class="p1">He nodded slowly, then loosened his grips, arms falling back by his sides. Ellie climbed to her feet, feeling shaky and unsure, but reached out a hand to help him to his feet. He only hesitated a moment, barely a fraction of a second, before reaching out for her, letting her pull him back up onto solid ground.</p><p class="p1">The drive back into town was a quiet one, and when they pulled up outside his mother’s little townhouse, she shut off the engine and they sat there in utter silence. Shell shock. That was the only way she could describe it. Shell shock.</p><p class="p1">“Get some sleep, yeah?” she tried, sighing when he snorted. “Okay, well try, at least. Lie down, shut your eyes. Something, please.”</p><p class="p1">He nodded slowly, his entire body slumped over with exhaustion and pain. It hurt to just watch him pull himself out of the car, the energy it took him making her heart physically ache.</p><p class="p1">“El?” he murmured, leaning down into the open car window.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah?”</p><p class="p1">Barely, almost imperceptibly, he smiled. “Thank you. For telling me about Tess. Or for…for making sure that I found out about Tess. You did the right thing. I just…want you to know that.”</p><p class="p1">She let out a shaky breath, so pathetically relieved to hear it. “I’ll…see you later today, yeah?”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah,” he agreed, pulling back with one last attempt at a smile and disappearing into the townhouse.</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">In the end, later that morning, he called her to tell her he couldn’t go through with it.</p><p class="p1">They decided to leave the vendors to Tess. Well, Ellie decided. This was all her fault, after all, she could call them all to cancel. Nevertheless, Ellie sat by his side as he made the phone calls to family, to guests from Broadchurch, trying to keep his voice from cracking as he was forced to explain again and again and again what had happened. She offered to make some calls for him, but he shook his head. It should come from him.</p><p class="p1">At the end of the day, when his wedding reception was supposed to begin, Ellie offered to take him to the pub, to get him absolutely and unapologetically shit-faced, but with a mournful expression, he only shook his head sadly. <em>Jus’ need to be alone, tonight. </em></p><p class="p1">And so she boarded the train the next morning, still unbearably uncomfortable in the blistering heat, Tom already stroppy and whining.</p><p class="p1">He should be just waking up, now, after a night of shagging his new wife. Going to pick up Daisy, have breakfast for the first time as a legally-bound family. Instead, he’d likely been up for hours, waking up alone. She'd thought about ringing him, wanted desperately to see if he was alright, but knew better than to push him, especially after what she had told him. What he was dealing with had nothing to do with her. </p><p class="p1">Lucy, as usual, had managed to ensure she had an adequate amount of attention when everyone was focused someone else's tragedy and gotten rip-roaring drunk the night before, so much so that her parents had told her that they had to stay in and watch over her, but wished her luck getting to the train station. </p><p class="p1">The taxi service in town on a holiday morning was spotty at best, and to her surprise, it was Maggie Radcliffe that came to her rescue, offering an unexpected ride. </p><p class="p1">"Alec called me," she explained, helping toss Ellie's luggage into the boot. "Said he wasn't in a state to drive you to the station, no kidding, and asked if I might. Think he knew your parents might not be up for it." </p><p class="p1">A polite way to phrase it. "Typical Alec," Ellie had managed weakly. "Entire world crashing around him and he's worried about how someone else is going to get to the train station." </p><p class="p1">The drive was quiet but not uneasy. Maggie had an endlessly kind energy about her, always had. Ellie liked that about her. </p><p class="p1">Pulling into the car park, Maggie shut off the engine but didn't remove the keys from the ignition, instead turning to Ellie pointedly. </p><p class="p1">"I'm sorry your first time back in Broadchurch ended so poorly." </p><p class="p1">Ellie gave a shuddering laugh. "Yeah, well. The shitstorm wasn't because of me, this time. So that's something." </p><p class="p1">"Neither was the last one," Maggie said firmly, refusing to back down when Ellie began to pointedly gather her things, eager to get out of the car. "Ellie, what happened with Joe...I know there were rumours and horrible things said, but nobody with any sense thinks for a second you knew. That you tried to cover for him. You and Tom are so loved here, I hope you know that. If you ever, for any reason, wanted to move back here, you would be welcomed with open arms. You're a good woman, Ellie, you've proven it this weekend, coming back here for Alec's wedding and then supporting him through it all falling apart. I know things are hard for your family right now, but...don't stay away on our account. We want nothing more than to see you happy." </p><p class="p1">Ellie nodded, barely refraining from leaping out of the car, now. She was emotionally wrung out, couldn't bear any more tears after this weekend from hell. Christ, she wasn't even sure she could bring forth tears, even if she wanted to. She had cried herself raw these past couple of days.</p><p class="p1">They climbed out of the car, Maggie helping her with her bag as Ellie wrestled with Tom, managing to make it to the platform. </p><p class="p1">"Good luck, Petal. You know where to find me, find all of us, if you need us." </p><p class="p1">Ellie let out a shaky breath and threw her arms around her. If only she could come back. </p><p class="p1">"Thank you, Maggie." </p><p class="p1">As she and Tom took their seats and the train pulled away from the station, exhausted but unable to rest in the sweltering heat, she tried not to to think about how long it might be before she would ever see the town, and the people in it, again. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The next one isn't so angsty, I promise.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. After the Wedding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">She thought, had been certain really, that his break-up with Tess would be the end of it.</p><p class="p1">His life in pieces, he had committed himself to raising Daisy, to co-parenting as best as he could, after his life had crumbled around him.</p><p class="p1">They still talked, often enough as the years passed. Saw one another on rare occasions that they could get away from work and the kids. She would ask about Daisy, he would ask about Tom, they would exchange pictures. But she could see that he wasn’t the same man he had been. He was defeated, beaten-down by not only an infidelity but a humiliating public one. He lost weight, his hair grew shaggy, and more often than not she’d see him unshaven and unrested. It would take time to heal from something like that. Some days she wasn’t sure she herself had made any progress at all, recovering from Joe.</p><p class="p1">When she saw him outside the pub, it had been nearly six months since they’d last seen one another face-to-face.</p><p class="p1">Ellie had been on a date, one that had gone rather well, she thought. They had just stepped out the door when she heard the familiar “El!” from behind her. He was there, dressed not nearly warm enough despite the freezing weather, watching her with a strange expression on his face.</p><p class="p1">She quickly bid goodbye to her date, ignoring his rather disappointed look at their night being interrupted. Perhaps next time.</p><p class="p1">“Hi,” she greeted, leaning in to kiss his cheek, the familiar smell of his cologne an old comfort. “What on earth are you doing here?”</p><p class="p1">“A man we just arrested used to live here, was in constant trouble with the local police force. They prepared some copies of files and materials for us, I just drove into town to pick them up. Hope I didn’…ruin yer night.”</p><p class="p1">“Nah,” she laughed. “Not our first date. He’s dating a policewoman, he’s used to our dates being interrupted. Can you stay long, want to grab a drink?”</p><p class="p1">His gaze drifted over her shoulder before returning to her again, brow furrowed. “Uh…drink? Didn’t you just come from the pub?”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, but it was a date, not like I’m shitfaced. C’mon, my treat.”</p><p class="p1">His expression didn’t soften as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “No. No, better be gettin’ on. I’ve got Dais tomorrow, she’ll be ‘round early.”</p><p class="p1">He had never, not once, been so strange and distant with her. She felt her heart sink. “Oh. Well, alright. Tell Daisy I say hi. Has she grown as much as Tom this year? My god, he’s already outgrown the shoes I bought him in September. Can’t believe he’ll be eight next month, makes my heart hurt.”</p><p class="p1">He nodded cooly. “Yeah. Hard to believe.”</p><p class="p1">Fuck. Usually any mention of Daisy or Tom was a surefire way to bring him out of a mood, but it seemed to just roll off him, this time.</p><p class="p1">Unsure of what she had done wrong and even less sure she wanted to know the answer, she bid him farewell before all but fleeing.</p><p class="p1">She tried not to dwell on it, think about it at all, the following day. Despite her attempts, there remained the unmistakable fear of feeling like she was losing, perhaps had already lost, her only friend. She had taken him a bit for granted these last few years, knowing he was grieving and needed time to build back up his shattered life, but surely she hadn't <em>neglected </em>him?</p><p class="p1">Perhaps she had only been selfish, convincing herself that he needed time when she was really just keeping him at arms’ length to protect herself. She had confessed her love for him when his entire life was falling apart, fucking twat that she was. There really was no recovering from that.</p><p class="p1">Given their tense exchange, she wasn’t expecting to hear from him the following night. Ellie had just climbed into bed when the phone at her bedside buzzed. She cursed, typical of work to be able to <em>sense </em>when she was about to get some sleep before calling her in, but it wasn’t work at all.</p><p class="p1"><em>Have you been seeing him long? </em>he had texted.</p><p class="p1">
  <em>Who, my date from last night? Depends on your definition of ‘long.’ Not our first date, if that’s what you mean. </em>
</p><p class="p1">There was a pause of a few minutes, and Ellie wondered if he wouldn’t reply.</p><p class="p1">
  <em>But long enough. </em>
</p><p class="p1"><em>Long enough for what? </em>she replied. He was shit at texting, shit at any sort of recent technology that wasn’t work-related, and that coupled with being a shit communicator meant that any conversation via text was more like a game of charades than anything else.</p><p class="p1">Another long pause, much to her annoyance. But suddenly the phone was buzzing in her hand, Alec’s name lighting up the screen.</p><p class="p1">“Hello?”</p><p class="p1">“I’m sorry. For…ringing so late.”</p><p class="p1">She huffed. “Well, you knew I was up. I thought Daisy was over at yours, today.”</p><p class="p1">“She is. I’m out on the balcony, don’t want to disturb her.”</p><p class="p1">“Are you going to tell me what’s going on, Alec? Yesterday, you…honestly, it seemed like you couldn’t get away from me fast enough, and now you care about who I’m dating?” The cold tendrils of dread began to settle in her gut, mind wandering to Joe. “Oh, God. Please, please don’t tell me that he…he looked eerily similar to some police composite sketch that you’ve seen, or something.”</p><p class="p1">“No!” he cried, his voice quickly dropping. “No, no, nothing like that. I just…” She could hear him sigh, and she could almost see him nervously pacing back and forth on the balcony of his flat. “I saw you two. Together.”</p><p class="p1">“Yes, I’m aware.”</p><p class="p1">“Ellie,” he scolded. “Jus’…look, I saw you two come out of the pub, holdin’ hands. And you…kissed him. And I…s’pose I was wonderin’ how…how serious things are between you two. If they’re serious between you two.”</p><p class="p1">“That’s…look, Alec, I’m not really sure I want to be talking about this right now with you.” As soon as she’d said it, an unexpected feeling of guilt settled in. She had never shut him down like this. They talked about everything, had since they were teenagers. Nothing was sacred, nothing was off-limits. It was just how they operated. But he had never been as cold to her as he had been last night, either.</p><p class="p1">“Ellie, please,” he begged. “I...Fuck. Fuck! Just…don’ hate me for sayin’ what I’m about to say. Because it’s not fair. It’s not, an’ I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Ellie. You’ve…you said what you said almost three years ago, an’ I’ve…I’ve done nothin’ with it. I’ve jus’ been tryin’ to keep my head on straight. I’ve been afraid. I’ve been a right coward, El, but seein’ you yesterday with him…”</p><p class="p1">“You do know you’re making absolutely no sense whatsoever, right?”</p><p class="p1">He sighed. “I’ve…had feelings for you since we were sixteen. You’ve…I know you’ve known that. Or did, back then. But you were with Joe. An’ then I was with Tess, an' I never would have even considered it. I never even thought you’d ever feel the same, even if we weren’ with other people. But then you…told me you loved me, but my life was fallin’ apart an’ I couldn’…I wasn’ in a place where I could do anythin’ at all with that. An’ I’ve been…pullin’ my life back together, tellin’ myself I needed time, but seein’ you with that man yesterday, lookin’…familiar and happy…Look, I know it’s shit of me to put this on you now, it’s not fair. You’ve moved on an’ I should let you. You deserve it. Christ, El, I almost didn’t even message you tonight. But I…I saw you with him an’ I was…”</p><p class="p1">“Jealous,” she supplied, feeling light-headed.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah. Jealous. Felt like I’ve been punched in the gut,” he confessed, sounding so very small. “I’m so sorry, Ellie, for doin’ this now, but I need you to know. I need you to know before you…keep seein’ him, before yer in a serious relationship with him. God, maybe you already are. I just…I know I’m a wreck, have been since Tess. I’ve got nothin’ to offer you. But I just need to know.”</p><p class="p1">“Know?”</p><p class="p1">She could hear his ragged intake of breath on the line. “I need to know if I’ve…if I’ve missed my chance with you, Ellie. Tell me I have, tell me yer not interested, an’ I’ll never bring it up again, I swear. But if…if I haven’ missed my chance, I was hopin’…you might let me buy you a drink. Properly. Not…friends at the pub, but…”</p><p class="p1">“A date.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah.”</p><p class="p1">She should say no. Of course she should, how could she possibly open this door again? He’d had three years to act, had only said something because he was lonely, had seen his safety net move on with someone else and was afraid to be alone. But she hadn’t moved on, had she? Not really. A few dates with someone knew that seemed to be going well enough wasn’t really the same. But she had loved him for so long, this had the potential to completely ruin her. And after Joe, she wasn’t she wanted to ever give a man that much power over her life again.</p><p class="p1">“Ellie? Please say somethin’.”</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">They met at a neutral location. A small town, halfway between their places. It’s enough of a drive that she went through the effort of begging the child-minder to keep Tom overnight because she won’t be home before his bedtime. It is <em>absolutely </em>not because she has any intention of going to bed with him.</p><p class="p1">He showed up in a suit, looking immensely nervous. He apologized as soon as he sat down for his scruffy face, he’d forgotten to shave. Wasn’t used to it, these days, and it had slipped his mind. She teased him about dressing up so much, though quickly ended the taunt when the colour drained from his face and he started to shamefully pull off his tie.</p><p class="p1">Oh, God. He really did want to impress her.</p><p class="p1">Despite the initial awkwardness and stilted conversation, they’ve been friends for so long that old habits died hard. The familiar bickering returned, good-natured insults and jokes and laughs, and after an hour it was as if the last few years had fallen away completely. They were Alec and Ellie from Broadchurch again, all of the baggage they’d been so used to carrying about forgotten, or at least shelved.</p><p class="p1">Really, it didn’t feel like a date at all. It just felt like old times. Despite her relief to have her old friend back, she couldn’t shake the feeling of disappointment settling in. They were friends, good friends, two (completely different) sides of the same coin, but too many years of that had stunted any chance they had of pursuing anything romantic. And while she’d be grateful to have him in any capacity in her life, it was disheartening that something she’d wanted so long had fizzled out before it had even started.</p><p class="p1">He insisted on paying for dinner, though she fought him for the bill, and though the car park was small and well-lit, he insisted on walking her to her vehicle, watching over her as she unlocked her door.</p><p class="p1">“Well…goodnight.”</p><p class="p1">“Ellie,” he blurted, hands shoved awkwardly in the pockets of his coat. She barely refrained from flinching, knowing what he was about to ask. “Can I…kiss you goodnight?”</p><p class="p1">She shouldn’t encourage him. She had hoped he’d had the same epiphany, that they were just meant to be friends, but apparently luck wasn’t on her side. When was it ever? But he was so sweet, so nervous, had told her he’d wanted to since he was sixteen, for Christ’s sake.</p><p class="p1">“Um…yeah. Sure, okay.”</p><p class="p1">He shuffled awkwardly forward, hands emerging from his pockets, though he looked as though he wasn’t sure what to do with them. They were rapidly approaching middle-age, if they weren’t there already, surely this shouldn’t feel like a horrible adolescent kiss?</p><p class="p1">His hands came up to nervously cup her jaw, and then he was leaning in, hesitating an inch from her face before closing the distance.</p><p class="p1">It was chaste, at first. Nothing more than pressing their lips together. She was about to pull away, awkwardly thank him for the evening, when he pushed forward unexpectedly, trapping her between his body and the car door, tilting her head back so he could deepen the kiss.</p><p class="p1">
  <em>Oh. </em>
</p><p class="p1">Maybe it hadn’t been friendly familiarity at all. Perhaps she had just grown so used to her heart fluttering whenever he’d smiled at her that she’d forgotten it was even happening. Or maybe this was something entirely new.</p><p class="p1">Her hands came up to grab fistfuls of the lapels of his jacket, one sliding up further to bury her fingers in his hair. She felt his arms moving downwards, one bracing against the side of the car, the other hand sliding down to her arse.</p><p class="p1">God knew how long they were there, but the sound of laughing, then a cry of “Oi! Jesus fucking Christ, get a room!” from a drunken group across the car park broke them apart. He immediately buried his face into the crook of her neck, panting, though he made no effort to move away. And no wonder. At some point, she’d shoved her thigh between his legs and he had been grinding himself against her hip.</p><p class="p1">When he did pull back, she could see that his pupils were blown wide, his cheeks red.</p><p class="p1">“Ellie…” he murmured, sounding as though he was trying to summon the courage. “Would you…? My place is…”</p><p class="p1">“God, yes.”</p><p class="p1">He pointedly ignored the hand a bit too high up on his thigh as he drove. Lest she cause an accident, she didn’t push it any further.</p><p class="p1">She was worried, for a moment. That the sobering moment of having to separate, climb out of the car, wait awkwardly as Alec unlocked his door would break whatever the spell was that had fallen over them and they would realize how insane this was.</p><p class="p1">The moment never came.</p><p class="p1">Alec met her as she closed the passenger door, once again pressing her up against the side of the car to snog her. He walked her backwards, still kissing, up the stairs to his flat, throwing his keys aside and pulling off his own coat before pushing hers off of her shoulders. They let them both puddle to the ground, trying not to stumble as they made their way back towards the bedroom.</p><p class="p1">She felt his hands on her hips, her arse, then tugging on the back of her thighs. She followed his lead, sliding her arms around his neck and leaping up, wrapping her legs around his waist.</p><p class="p1">He was scrawny, but strong, carrying her over to the bed and dropping her onto the mattress, quickly climbing over her as she went for the buttons on his shirt.</p><p class="p1">“You alright? This alright?” he breathed as she tugged the rest of his shirt out of his trousers.</p><p class="p1">Christ, was it alright? They had gotten this far, their relationship would never be the same after this. The risk of ruining their friendship had already been taken, they might as well get some enjoyment out of it. Ellie nodded.</p><p class="p1">It was all he needed.</p><p class="p1">Clothes came off quickly, and Alec fumbled open the brand new box of condoms that he clearly hadn’t thought to open in advance.</p><p class="p1">“Goodness, you were optimistic about tonight.”</p><p class="p1">He blushed. “Didn’t think…was hopin’ we’d get here eventually. Wasn’t expectin’ it so soon. Is it? Too soon, I mean.”</p><p class="p1">Ellie tried not to feel the pang of guilt in her gut. He had optimistically gone out to purchase supplies while all she had done was doubt from the start that this could ever work. God, she really had been a bit of an arse, hadn’t she? “Only been twenty years since we’ve met. If that’s too soon, we’ll break a hip when we do try.”</p><p class="p1">The tension immediately washed from his shoulders, and he fell against her again.</p><p class="p1">The moment it was over, she almost immediately began to doubt that it had happened at all. Surely she hadn’t just had sex with Alec Hardy, her best friend since their school days. She’d been in love with him, but over the years, after two failed relationships and a great deal of baggage, it had felt like they had missed their chance. It was too complicated, too risky, to chase this.</p><p class="p1">Perhaps not.</p><p class="p1">“Christ,” he groaned, burying his face into the crook of her neck. She could feel his rapid breath against her skin, trailing downwards as he pulled back to kiss along her shoulder, her collarbone, between her breasts. She was still wrung-out, but the tendrils of arousal were already starting to re-emerge. With a soft breath, she turned her head to the side, glancing around the room. To say it was barren was an understatement. There weren’t even curtains on the rod. If she didn’t know him better, she would have guessed he’d just moved in. She felt a pang for him, for his loneliness these past few years, as well as a wash of self-pity for her own sad love life. </p><p class="p1">“Was that okay?” he asked, and Ellie turned back to see that nervous, desperate-to-please expression returning to his face.</p><p class="p1">“It was good,” she swore, feeling brave enough to reach out and brush her fingers through his damp hair. “It was really bloody good.”</p><p class="p1">He smirked at that, pressing a firm kiss against her navel. “Good enough to…maybe do it again?”</p><p class="p1">“Tonight?!”</p><p class="p1">He snorted. “I was thinking just…semi-frequently for the foreseeable future, but if you want tonight, you’ll have to give me a while, seeing as it’s not twenty years ago.”</p><p class="p1">“What if we fuck this up?” she asked, pushing his hair from his forehead. “We’ve been friends for so long, what if we ruin it?”</p><p class="p1">“We won’t,” he vowed. “We won’t. You know me, you know how fucking irritating I am. I know how bloody difficult you are. I won’t let myself fuck this up.”</p><p class="p1">“It’s not just you,” she replied with a frown. “You assumed I was worried about you. I’m a mess, Alec. After Joe. Maybe enough time has passed, but...what if I can’t...be in a normal relationship ever again?”</p><p class="p1">He pushed himself back up to crawl up the bed, pinning her down against the mattress and kissing her deeply. Christ, this was what she’d been missing out on all these years? It made her head spin.</p><p class="p1">“Ellie, I know this is complicated, that there’s...risk. But fuck…” Alec let out a short huff of air, wrapping his long fingers around the back of her neck to pull her close, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. “I’ve been in love with you since we were sixteen. I’ll take whatever you can give me.”</p><p class="p1">She could only sniffle, pushing forward so they could lay together, slinging her arm across his waist and a leg across his hips. “When did you turn into such a romantic?”</p><p class="p1">“The bar is pretty bloody low, if you think takin’ you back to my shit flat after the first date counts as romance,” he mused, wrapping his arm around her.</p><p class="p1">“You know what I mean,” she scolded, pressing a kiss against his chest and then pinching the flesh of his abdomen, though there wasn’t much there to begin with. She'd really have to feed him up, scrawny thing he was. “We can make this work, can’t we? Tell me we can make this work.”</p><p class="p1">“We will.” She felt his fingers winding through her hair, his voice uncharacteristically heavy. “I’ll make you happy, Ellie. If you don’t believe me…at least give me a chance to prove it to you.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Before the Wedding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">Of all the people that could have called, Maggie would have been less surprised if the bloody Queen herself was on the line.</p><p class="p1">“Alec Hardy? My my, look who’s decided to grace me with a call.”</p><p class="p1">“Hi, Maggie.” To her continued surprise, his voice was rather light. He almost sounded as he did in his younger days, greeting her with a shy smile and an occasional witty remark as he bustled around Jocelyn’s office, doing whatever odd jobs she demanded. Despite his quiet demeanour, the space seemed disappointingly empty when he graduated school and left to join the police force. Maggie has always had a soft spot for him.</p><p class="p1">“To what do I owe the pleasure, after five years of total silence?”</p><p class="p1">She knew him well enough to know he was rolling his eyes.</p><p class="p1">“What’re you, my mother?”</p><p class="p1">“I hope you haven’t gone <em>five years </em>without calling your mother.”</p><p class="p1">“Alright! Alright! Jus’ tryin’ to put a bloody announcement in yer bleedin’ paper, leave me be.”</p><p class="p1">“Are you? In the personals?” Maggie said brightly, pleased for the update. She scrounged around the desk to find a scrap of paper and a working pen. “Alright, go on then.”</p><p class="p1">“Do I jus’...read it out, send you a cheque in the mail for it?”</p><p class="p1">“You can pay online, now. We’re very high-tech at the Echo.” She ignored his snort of disbelief. “Go on, then.”</p><p class="p1">Alright, then. Jus’ have it say, ‘<em>Frederick Barrett Hardy was born on March 4 to Alec Hardy and Ellie Miller, formerly of Broadchurch. 2.8kg and 51cm.’” </em>At the extended pause that followed, he asked, “Maggie?”</p><p class="p1">“I’m sorry, is this a birth announcement?”</p><p class="p1">He huffed. “Yes.”</p><p class="p1">“Did you say ‘Ellie Miller?’”</p><p class="p1">“I did.”</p><p class="p1">“You and Ellie Miller. You and Ellie Miller had a <em>baby</em>.”</p><p class="p1">“Really, Maggie. We both had a kid before, mustn’ be so hard to think us capable.”</p><p class="p1">She can just hear the smug glee in his voice, the bastard. “Oh, Alec! Are you two...?”</p><p class="p1">“Baby was planned and everythin’, bein’ the responsible adults we are.”</p><p class="p1">“Well, I wouldn’t go that far. But you’ve had a baby,” Maggie cooed, feeling her heart about to burst. “Oh, Petal. I’m so, so happy for you both. We’d nearly given up on the two of you.”</p><p class="p1">“We?”</p><p class="p1">“Half the town. We’d just about given up hope.”</p><p class="p1">She grinned at the annoyed grunt that came over the line.</p><p class="p1">“You’re going to be getting a tidal wave of ‘congratulations’ when this goes out, you do know that.”</p><p class="p1">“I’m already bracin’ myself,” he joked. And then, sincerely, “thank you, Maggie. We’re...Christ, he’s perfect.”</p><p class="p1">“<em>Please</em> send me photos,” she begged. “Is Ellie there?”</p><p class="p1">“Still sleepin’. Just got home from hospital with the baby. Been…a busy few days.”</p><p class="p1">“I’ll fucking bet,” she grinned. “Why on earth didn’t you tell anyone until now?”</p><p class="p1">He sighed, and she could tell he’d been prepared for the question. “We’re the...man who was publicly cheated on and the murderer’s ex-wife. It’s not easy to come back, with that on our shoulders.”</p><p class="p1">“No one views you that way but you two,” Maggie argued.</p><p class="p1">“You know that’s not true. Lucy-“</p><p class="p1">“Lucy was a mess before Joe came anywhere near Ollie. That whole family was a victim of what he did, Ellie included. Lucy doesn’t get a monopoly on grief, and her inability to cope doesn’t mean the rest of you have to live in her heartache forever. You deserve this, Alec. And so does Ellie. The two of you have had your share of pain, don’t spend the happiest time of your life worrying.”</p><p class="p1">There was a long pause over the line. “Christ, I’ve missed you, Maggie.”</p><p class="p1">“You can call me anytime, Petal. And for God’s sake, bring your kids back to Broadchurch for a visit. All three of them.”</p><p class="p1">“Only if you promise not to make a fuss.”</p><p class="p1">“I’d never make any promise of the sort.”</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">“Ellie,” he’d murmured, his fingers sliding up under her shirt to rest on her abdomen. “Are we...too old to have another?”</p><p class="p1">“Another?”</p><p class="p1">“Baby.”</p><p class="p1">She’d wondered when he’d bring it up. She had assumed, as time went on, that he’d decided against it, simply didn’t want any more children, or couldn’t fathom how they’d manage, two detectives with two children already between them. Now she wondered if he’d simply been too afraid to ask. At least if he didn’t mention it, he could tell himself that she might be willing to have another. An outright rejection would eliminate that hope.</p><p class="p1">“Are we speaking in hypotheticals? I s’pose if you’re still physically able, you’re not too old.”</p><p class="p1">“Would you...want that? Another baby?”</p><p class="p1">“Would you?” she asked, running her fingers through his hair.</p><p class="p1">He paused for a long moment. “I’m...happy. I’m happy with you, with Tom and Dais. It’s not as though I’m...unhappy. Tryin’ to fix anythin’.”</p><p class="p1">“You told me once that you’d asked Tess to have more. That you were <em>aching</em> for another baby.”</p><p class="p1">He actually blushed. “Still am, if I’m honest. Never stopped. But you don’t...I’d understand. If you didn’ want that. Kids are older, now. It’d be a lot to start over again. I don’ want to push you, Ellie. But…needed to ask.”</p><p class="p1">“Before you miss your chance.”</p><p class="p1">“Before I miss my chance,” he acknowledged.</p><p class="p1">She loved Tom, had wanted to be a mother, still loved being a mother. The thought of starting over again, with a newborn, with a demanding job and without one of them able to stay home, and at their age...it was an exhausting thought. But a baby, their baby, part of them both...and in no small part either to be able to give him this, something he wanted so desperately, something he’d wanted for a decade.</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">After Fred’s birth announcement appeared in the <em>Echo</em>, they had been flooded with so many texts, calls, and cards that they nearly regretted placing one at all.</p><p class="p1">Nearly.</p><p class="p1">It’s difficult to be annoyed when every flat surface of their home was covered in congratulatory messages for their new baby. They’d considered keeping them for him for when he was older, to be able to look through and see how very much he was loved, but they’d practically need a storage shed for them, so in the end decide against it.</p><p class="p1">Tom is rather unbothered and uninterested in the baby, but Daisy is fascinated, though far more in dressing him up as a little doll than any of the messy work. Still, they were both supportive in their own ways. It certainly could have been worse.</p><p class="p1">It was a rather pleasant end to one of the worst years of their lives. And given their pasts, that was saying something.</p><p class="p1">It had started with the murder of Pippa Gillespie and ended with Alec’s pacemaker operation. She’d been four months pregnant with Fred when he’d walked into the CID, sopping wet and trailing water behind him. He was white as a sheet, and walked straight back into the office, shutting the door behind him. Ellie had heard from the whispers around the office that he had dragged her body from the water himself, nearly drowning in the process.</p><p class="p1">Just as they were preparing for their own child, Ellie had watched Alec unravel over another. He had been tormented by it, so much so that she found herself genuinely afraid for him. She’s spent countless nights up late with him when she should have been resting, desperate to help him solve the case if only to keep him from total insanity, though it was too late to shield him from the stress. Two days after she’d discovered the double receipts and the arrests were made, Alec collapsed on his way to a crime scene.</p><p class="p1">He’d tried to weasel his way out of surgery, unable to face the idea of death a few weeks before their baby was due. The thought of missing the birth, of their child never knowing him, never even seeing his face, was more than he could bear.</p><p class="p1">Ellie hadn’t stopped yelling at him until he’d agreed to go through with it.</p><p class="p1">All of this was tied up with a custody battle with Tess, who’d been forced to take a job way up north after her affair had come to light with the loss of a key piece of evidence. She’d simply announced her divorce and in the same breath that she intended to take Daisy with her to her new job. As if Alec hadn’t nearly been destroyed by the last year already.</p><p class="p1">But there was some light at the end of the tunnel.</p><p class="p1">The first time they take Fred to Broadchurch, it’s as if the bloody queen is visiting. Ellie’s mum insists on throwing a ‘bit of a shower,’ as she calls it, though half the town seemed to show up, and poor Freddie is past around like a hot potato. Thank god he’s a heavy sleeper, he doesn’t fuss once. Not until he’s woken up by his own hunger and Ellie has to rush off to feed him, at least.</p><p class="p1">When she returns, poor Alec is looking rather shell-shocked, surrounded by so many people offering congratulations and hugs and firing off questions. When she appears by his side, offering him the baby, he nearly staggers in relief, bending at the knees to scoop up the once-again sleeping newborn with practiced hands. He’s far more comfortable in a crowd when he had a means of being able to deflect the attention off of himself, and little Freddie is so damn cute it’s a successful distraction.</p><p class="p1">Maggie, ever the journalist, is determined to document the event, and she spends nearly twenty minutes just taking photos, ignoring Alec’s protests. There’s some with Ellie, with Alec, with both of them, with the kids, with the grandparents, with seemingly every member of Broadchurch.</p><p class="p1">Eventually, they’re able to stand back, quickly swallowing down food before the next flood of people come forward for a chat, watching as Maggie positions little Freddie in Tom’s arms. Ellie looks on at Tom cradling the baby, Daisy’s arm around his shoulders, smiling as if the two of them weren’t bickering like mad on the car ride here.</p><p class="p1">“Christ,” Ellie says, leaning her head on Alec’s shoulder, smiling as his arm comes instinctively around her. “Look at them. We make beautiful babies, don’t we?”</p><p class="p1">She can feel Alec’s chest puff out with pride beside her. “We certainly do.”</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">She’s half-asleep against his shoulder the moment they sit down.</p><p class="p1">Daisy, Tom, and Fred go straight down to the water’s edge, laughing uproariously. The older ones egg Freddie on until the waves come crashing up on shore and splash him, sending him shrieking backwards on shaky toddler legs until they’re all in a fit of giggles.</p><p class="p1">Alec and Ellie watch from a nearby bench, his arm around her shoulder, Ellie nursing the baby.</p><p class="p1">“Promise me something?” Ellie mumbles, closing her eyes and turning her head into the crook of his neck.</p><p class="p1">“Mm?”</p><p class="p1">“If I fall asleep like this, put my tit back in my shirt when Gracie’s finished.”</p><p class="p1">She smiles as she hears him snort. “Will do.”</p><p class="p1">“Not a good introduction back to Broadchurch, asleep with my tits out.”</p><p class="p1">“Or a very, very good one.” The feeling of his fingers stroking her shoulder is only helping lull her to sleep. Four kids, including a baby, moving house, new jobs…Ellie hasn’t slept properly in days. Alec has offered to get up with Grace tonight so she can sleep, and she didn’t hesitate to agree.</p><p class="p1">“Heard from Tess?”</p><p class="p1">Alec sighs. “Couple o’ calls. Daisy still refuses to speak to ‘er, though I’ve been tryin’.”</p><p class="p1">“Give her time. Tess has done some serious damage. Time and distance will do them both some good.”</p><p class="p1">“She’ll have plenty o’ both, livin’ so far up north,” Alec grunts. “I know I shouldn’ be so happy about her bein’ so far away, but…”</p><p class="p1">“You’ve a right to be. She’s burned some bloody big bridges, Alec.”</p><p class="p1">“I can…I could forgive her for most of it, but…listenin’ to Daisy cry every time I drove her back to Tess’ place, beggin’ me not to let ‘er mum take ‘er away, I…but Christ, would I have done anythin’ differently? If it had been me, if I’d had to move away to salvage my career, could I bear to be away from ‘er?”</p><p class="p1">Ellie reaches across to squeeze his thigh. “You would have put Daisy first. You’ve always put her first, Alec. All the kids. We love you for it.”</p><p class="p1">He makes a grunting sound of dismissal, the kind he always made whenever she was too bold with her endearments. She takes the hint to change the topic.</p><p class="p1">“Think if we hunker down we can finish unpacking this weekend.”</p><p class="p1">“Mm,” he replies. “No rush. Got all the time in the world.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, but if we don’t do it now, we never will. Three years from now we’ll end up with moving boxes in the loft. It would be nice just to be settled.”</p><p class="p1">“Mm.”</p><p class="p1">Ellie pries her eyes open, glancing towards the water to where the kids are thrusting their hands into the sea and spraying water at one another. She wants to call out for them to knock it off so they don’t drudge sand and salt into the new house, but after a stressful few years, she can’t bear to spoil their fun. She wants them to love it here, and despite the massive inconvenience of having to scour around for the hoover to clean up, it just isn’t worth making them stop.</p><p class="p1">She tilts her head upwards to see Alec, expressionless, watching the kids dart in and out of the cold water.</p><p class="p1">“You’ve been awfully quiet the last couple of days.”</p><p class="p1">“Mm.”</p><p class="p1">“<em>Mm</em>,” she repeats. “What’re you thinking?”</p><p class="p1">“Nothin.”</p><p class="p1">“Alec,” she scolds, reaching up to brush her fingers through his hair. The action dislodges Gracie, and she quickly helps her latch again before she can start to wail. “You can’t lie to me, I know you too well for that. Tell me what you’re thinking.”</p><p class="p1">He glances down at her, trying his best to feign irritation. “It’s really nothin’. Jus’…last time I was in Broadchurch this long was my wedding to Tess. Last time I was on this beach, it was the night I found out Tess was havin’ an affair.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh. Oh, Alec, I hadn’t thought…not great memories for you, I suppose.”</p><p class="p1">“S’not that,” he assures gently. “Jus’…when it all happened, when the entire town knew about my failed relationship, knew what she’d done... I had thought Tess was it, that we were goin’ to be a <em>real </em>family, an’ it all jus’…disintegrated in front of my eyes.”</p><p class="p1">His gaze drops to Grace, who is half-asleep herself, blinking heavily as she nurses.</p><p class="p1">“If you’d asked me twenty years ago what I’d want my life to look like…if I could have had anything in the world, what would it be…I’d’ve said this. Workin’ as a detective, livin’ in Broadchurch, married to Ellie Barrett, raisin’ kids. Watchin’ ‘em play on the beach. Jesus, I’ve had actual fantasies about this, this moment right here. Didn’ really hit me ’til yesterday. Tom an’ Daisy were bickerin’ about which room they wanted, Freddie was hollerin’ about which box we’d put his legos in an’ we were in the kitchen, unpackin’ the dishes. An’ I was lookin’ out the back window at the water an’ I jus’ realized it. Eight years ago my entire life went to shit, I’d given up ever havin’ something remotely like this, even a shred of it. Had resigned myself to probably bein’ alone, seein’ Daisy every once in a while when I wasn’ at work. But now, somehow, I’ve gotten every single thing I ever wanted. How many people can say that, really? That they’re livin’ the life they fantasized about when they were twenty? I’d’ve sold my soul to be sittin’ here with you like this.”</p><p class="p1">She thinks, in that moment, her heart might burst. How he could be so silent and broody and come out with that, it’s beyond her. “Well, not everything you’ve ever wanted,” she replies, desperately clinging onto some humour to keep herself from bursting into tears. If she did that, he’d tease her mercilessly about it, and then the moment would be lost.</p><p class="p1">“No?” he asks.</p><p class="p1">“No.” Gracie is fully down for the count, now, and Ellie pulls her away enough to fix her bra and pull down her top before cuddling the baby close again. “Not actually married, you know,” she jokes. “Though I suppose this is close enough. Can you imagine if we did? The town might throw us an actual parade, they’ve been rooting for us for so long. Still catch Maggie tearing up when she sees us together. Bloody embarrassing.” Gracie shifts and then yawns, a little squeak escaping as she does. Ellie coos and leans down to press a kiss against her little tuft of blonde hair. She would bet money she’s going to be curly like Fred.</p><p class="p1">She looks up at Alec, who’s watching them both, his expression unbearably soft.</p><p class="p1">“What?”</p><p class="p1">He tightens his grip on her shoulders, using his free hand to reach out and stroke her cheek. “Marry me, Ellie.”</p><p class="p1">She can’t help but laugh. “What?”</p><p class="p1">“I mean it. I’ve only not asked before ‘cause I was afraid of…scarin’ you away. Of changin’ something between us. I couldn’t bear to lose you. But you’ve agreed to be with me, agreed to raisin’ our kids together, agreed to have a baby with me-“</p><p class="p1">“Accidentally had another one with you,” she chimes in, grinning.</p><p class="p1">“-accidentally had another one with me,” he agrees, smirking. “Bought a house together, moved back to Broadchurch with me. You’ve given me every single thing I’ve ever wanted, thought maybe…I could risk askin’ for just one more. I’ll…I’ll buy a ring, do this properly, try to do somethin’ nicer than just ask on a park bench-“</p><p class="p1">“Don’t you dare,” she interrupts, resting her hand on the back of his neck to bring him down for a kiss. “Nothing is nicer than this, don’t try to change it.”</p><p class="p1">“You’ll marry me?”</p><p class="p1">“I’ll have a hell of a better time than I did at your last wedding.” He turns so he can wrap both arms around her, grinning against her lips as they kiss, careful not to crush the baby between them.</p><p class="p1">“You guys are gross.” They break away to see Tom standing before them, a disgusted look on his face. “Honestly, we’re in public.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh, calm down,” Ellie replies, unable to keep from beaming. “It’s not like we’re sticking our tongues down each other’s throats.”</p><p class="p1">“Ugh!” Tom scowls. “Dad, you said we could get ice cream.”</p><p class="p1">Alec smirks, releasing Ellie and rising from his seat. “I did, didn’t I? Alright, go tell Dais’ an’ help Freddie put his shoes back on, we’ll walk to the shop on our way home.”</p><p class="p1">Ellie has Grace tucked into the pram by the time the kids appear, half-soaked and sandy and rosy-cheeked, giggling and beaming. Freddie is buckled into the front of the pram and they head off, Alec bumping shoulders with Tom as they walk, his arm draped around Daisy’s shoulders.</p><p class="p1">They’d had a difficult few years. Hell, they’d had a difficult decade. And Ellie certainly hadn’t fantasized that her life would look like this at twenty. But somehow, just like when they were teenagers, Alec still knew her better than she knew herself.</p><p class="p1">Whatever she had wanted when she was twenty, this was better.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Gracie. Grace. Gracepoint. Shitty reference, anyone?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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